cerulean_sky: ([fables] rose red)
• I am in NYC! Gods, I miss this place. (This happens to me a lot: I go to a place that I love, and when I get there, I wonder why I would ever want to be any place else. When that place happens to be NYC, it doesn't worry me too much. But when it happens when I visit my grandparents in California (Los Angeles area) it worries me a little. I always forget why I want to be in NYC when I'm in Cali.)

• Today was mostly hanging out with my mom. We had brunch, then I went home while she had a meeting, then we went out for manicures and pedicures--where the girl doing my nails filed them square without asking (I prefer them a bit more rounded) and filed some of them lopsided (though it's an easy fix)--and then went out to dinner. There was shopping for a blanket for the new bed in the apartment I'm staying in somewhere in there too. (The bed is all nice looking now. I'm sort of excited to sleep in it.)

• Tomorrow, Mom and I are seeing "An Iliad", which is a reading/adaptation of, obviously, The Iliad. I am stupidly excited for this. My Classics nerd is showing. Since The Iliad was originally a poem that would have been declaimed, I think it will be really interesting to see something like how it would have been all those thousands of years ago.

• I'm also seeing War Horse with her and my cousin (on Tuesday, I think). Cousin just turned 19 and is in the middle of her first year in college, so I am excited to hear all about her experience from her. Since, you know, my experience with college has been nothing even remotely close to normal and I'll bet her's has been. Also I am excited to see War Horse and I am now glad that I never managed to see the movie of it. This way I can see the movie after the play and have the "proper" experience.

• There will also be shopping.

• Other than that, I don't have a whole lot planned. A day at the Met Museum is a must, particularly with the Steins Collection exhibit. And the new American Wing. Oh goodness, I'm getting a little excited just thinking about it!

• I will likely send out some emails (and maybe make some calls if I can find my Big Girl Panties to wear while I do it) to some literary agencies and see if I get any bites while I'm here. If not, I'll be doing phone interviews, if I get any interviews at all. (Notice the low expectations. This way, I can be pleasantly surprised.)
cerulean_sky: ([sj] green-eyed poison)
• Oh jeez, it's been be a really long time since I wrote here. Mostly that's due to midterm papers. When I have pressing things to do for school, I tend to not let myself do things. (I mean, I still read fic online, but I don't write mine. And I don't get online to talk to people, but I do check email constantly.) I do still see/talk to friends who reach out to me, but I tend not to reach out because I'm technically "not supposed to." Or whatever. Anyway, I sort of became a hermit for a bit. (And I didn't manage to get one paper done, and my teacher told me not to turn it in anymore, since we're past the grading deadline. Which means that my grade for that class got dragged way the hell down, so I'm freaking out about how to pick it up again and maintaining my GPA for my scholarship and oh crap I made myself nauseated again.)

• Other than that last one, I got all A's in my midterm grades. Because I am awesome.

• Speaking of papers, I wrote a paper on Montaigne's essay "On the Cannibals" for my ethics class. I actually thought this one wasn't as good as the really-terribly-awful Machiavelli paper—certainly less organized, as I had less of an idea what I was talking about while I was writing it—but... I got another 25 out of 25 points on it. I should get my first paper for my Bible class (same teacher as Ethics) on Thursday, so we'll see what I get on that. Apparently this teacher really likes me.

• That last bit I actually know for a fact because, through a series of strange events, I ran into the Chair of the Creative Writing department at one of my other teachers' book launch, and she knew who I was because apparently my Ethics and Bible teacher was "raving" about me. Her word, not mine. I was assured that they were all good things, though.

• This encounter also led her to telling me that we should meet so that she could see about getting me out of taking some of the beginning writing classes. I gather she'd read my file, since I didn't actually tell her all that much about my writing experiences before she said that it sounded like I had sort of gone backwards. It would be nice if she could actually get me out of being stuck in the future with some of the people I'm stuck with now, but if not I will have at least cultivated a sort of relationship with her. I'm hoping she can also pull some strings to get me into her Poetry class next semester. (Apparently we have to take a Techniques class for the three main specializations, regardless of what we decide to specialize in.) She's not only smart, but really fun about being smart (if that makes sense) so fingers crossed for at least getting her as a teacher.

• I have a meeting with her and my academic advisor tomorrow.

• Moving right along from school things... The weekend of the 15th I was in a minor collision in my car. By which I mean, I had pulled in behind a guy in a truck at the gate for my dad's community, and instead of opening the gate he started backing up. I didn't realize he couldn't see me, so I thought, "Oh, I'll just get out of your way, dude," but he came straight back into me. I wasn't injured or anything, and only the passenger side rear door of my car was damaged. And, because it was clearly the guy's fault, his insurance is paying to replace my door. I'm taking it in tomorrow, they'll give me a rental for a few days, and then my car will have a door (and a window) that functions properly. Thank god, because we're supposed to get snow tomorrow night, and the window in that door no longer closes all the way, which makes my car awfully cold in the morning even without the possibility of snow.

• This does not solve the issue of my car's engine. But that will have to come a little later when I have the money.

• Speaking of, though, I worked a bunch this past weekend and make some money, all of which will likely be held in reserve for taking my car to the mechanic. I haven't done it yet because I don't want to take it and then not have the money to pay him when he's done. Hopefully I will be able to get this done in the next week or so. Fingers crossed.

• So, now that I'm actually in school for writing, I'm actually writing again. Not a whole lot, but some. I've actually started writing a story I've had notes for (and the first few sentences) since high school. It's a gender-swapped Peter Pan story, sort of. (All the credit for reminding me that I had it in my wip folder goes to [livejournal.com profile] olukemi and she knows why. :>) I'm really enjoying it so far, and I'm trying to finish it for when my turn to be workshopped rolls around in my Fiction class. (I can't remember when that is, now, but I have it written down somewhere.) I'd also like to finish it before NaNoWriMo, since I will be putting all my writing during the month of November towards that.

• So yeah, NaNoWriMo. I will be once again attempting to beat my odds. (Those odds being that I am 0 for 4 at this point.) I... don't yet know what I'm going to write. I'm thinking I might try this thing that [livejournal.com profile] girasola and I have been planning for years but never really get around to writing. Of all the things in my WIP folder, it has had the most plotting and planning done on it. On the other hand, as it's not entirely mine, I'm not sure I want to just go ahead and write it. Part of the fun of it would likely be writing it with her. My other options are entirely unplanned and unplotted as of yet, but I could change that. I don't know right now. But, in case anyone cares, you can follow my progress on my NaNoWriMo profile. (And until they fix the writing buddies option, that's all you can do.)

• I have been feeling lonely lately, even before I shut myself in my house and pretended to write papers for two weeks. I miss [livejournal.com profile] girasola and [livejournal.com profile] exrpan, who are not only my missing best friends, but have fabulous lives in NYC (no matter how much they complain). Not the least because I haven't been online in weeks. But also because I am just sort of feeling like I will never be able to get back to NYC, like I had my chance and I blew it. This is partially because looking at the prices for apartments in NYC is super depressing and also because there are things I am considering once I graduate (fingers crossed fingers crossed fingers crossed) that aren't in NYC. It makes my stomach go all noodly when I think about it. Ugh. Anyway, I miss you guys. ♥

• I am currently eating pasta with pesto that I not only made, but made with basil I grew. It's super delicious. (Even though it's throwing off my allowed meals for the day and not helping me lose the weight I gained while my Gram was here.)

• Oh yeah! My Gram came to visit. The same weekend that I got into the accident, actually. It was really nice. My dad and I cooked for her. Things that we got the recipes for from her years ago and used to make more often but haven't in years. Like the family spaghetti sauce. And blintzes. And baked macaroni and cheese. And frito pies with avocado. It was ridiculous how much amazing food we had, that was all cooked by me and my dad. Gram also took my dad and I out for a minorly expensive dinner at a fancy place that he and I like a lot. (It's where I took him for Father's Day this year.) Anyway, I swear I gained at least five pounds. Which means fitting in my jeans is getting problematic again. Whoops. Still, it was really nice to see Gram. We watched The Princess Bride one day, which she hadn't seen and I didn't know that my dad had. (He is a big squooshy softie, apparently. No, actually, it probably has more to do with Mandy Patinkin than anything else.) It was really nice.

• For those interested, the Big Session Festival is back. It went away for a little bit, but with the release of the Oysterband's new album with June Tabor (I suspect), it's back for this coming summer. I was looking at how much money I would need to save to be able to go, and holy crap. The tickets for the festival are actually reasonably priced, but airfares to England (as always) are frighteningly high. I think the chances of me being able to make it out there next summer are slim. Maybe I'll see if my mom will match whatever I can save... Chances are still slim, but at least she'll be proud that I'm making an effort, so it's not a terrible idea to ask, I suppose. Anyway, for those who are thinking about next summer's vacation and who happen to like the Oysterband (or celtic folk music in general) should definitely consider going.

• Wrote another X-Men: First Class fic last week. Or, I finished writing it last week. As it's been revealed, I'll likely post it here soon. Though, I want to change the ending a bit. So you can expect that soonish, I think. There may be some other fics coming before the end of the year, too. I'd like to actually finish some of the things I've started. Since I think I actually have a dozen fics in progress at the moment.

Oh jeez. This entry is really freaking long. I need to stop writing it now, regardless of whether I have more things to say. And I have to go write some poems for class tomorrow, so.
cerulean_sky: ([as] bleeding on your shirt)
Why do I ever expect things with her to get better? They never do. We have maybe a week of getting along, and then she's back to blaming me for things that aren't my fault, are imagined, or simply pulled way out to an extreme. And really, I can only blame so much on her meds. I no longer think that she forgets to take her meds. She'd have to be taking them once a month, if that were the case. I don't think it is though.

I'm fucking sick of thinking that everything will be fine with her again. I'm sick of having my hopes dashed. If she wants to be a bitch, then she can be a bitch. I will deal with it for another year, and then she can be a bitch to empty air. Because I will never speak to her again.

At this point, even an apology wouldn't be accepted. I wouldn't think that anything would change. I wouldn't even think that she was really sorry. Because this always happens. Actually, no, I could forgive her. I could accept that she thinks she's sorry. But that doesn't mean I love her again. I think she's pretty much insured that I don't have any emotions to spare for her. She killed them off long ago.

It's just not normal, I might add, that she's my greatest fear. When she's mad, I spend weekends hiding in my bathroom, because that's the only place that she can't immediately see me if she opens my door. I've taken to hiding my paper journal, because I know that she has the capacity of coming into my room and destroying it, finding something that's private, and reading it anyway, and then getting madder at me for it. This has happened to me before.

And I can't argue with her like I do with my dad. She's not logical when she's upset. She resorts to lying, screaming, cursing, insulting me, and once even to physicality. I'm so terrified that it will happen again and there won't be someone there to stop her.

So the best thing to do at this point is just do what ever she asks. That seems like the best option at this point. Because if I just do that, at least she won't get mad at me for not doing anything.

But really... there's only so far you can bend before you break.

( I don't really want comments, so I've disabled them. I just needed a place to rant. Sorry. )
cerulean_sky: ([hyde] woof)
Do not fuck with plans once they're made.

How many times has my dad told me that in the course of my life? Getting on in the millions now. So why the fuck is he fucking with my plans now?
cerulean_sky: ([wk] death)
The Good: Everything with my mother resolved itself. Which is nice. Apparently, the Sky did good. She showed that she was a mature adult.

The Bad: I have four days to get a massive list of chores done. Some of them aren't so bad, really. Like... watering the garden. That's not so bad. Packing up my room? Now that's bad.

The Good: I'm going to Pennsylvania! I get to visit with lots of people! Yay! ( I knew this would happen. Or at least, I was 99.9% sure it would. My dad was pretending that he might not let me go. But he's been in way too good of a mood lately not to let me go. )

The Bad: I have this massive list of chorse to complete before I go. Bleh.

The Good: Chocolate makes me happy!

The Bad: It's hot in my room...

Also, muchos thanks to Airiviel, who made Sky's layout all pretty. Loveses to you, Airiviel!

I think... in terms of packing up my room... that there are some things here that I can pack away and not look at them until I graduate college. I could probably do that with most of my manga and my books. There are also many things in this cram-packed little room of mine that I could get rid of. I might as well start thinking about college now anyway. Am I really going to need 15 different photo albums that my grandmother made? No, I don't think so. What about the board games that I never play? Nah. This is all good to think about. I like thinking about it.

This afternoon, before I sent the email to my mother, I hid my journal. I didn't want her to come in and destroy my room and find it. ( Oh yes, something very similar to that has indeed happened. ) So I hid my journal, sent the email, and then fled the house. Turns out I had nothing to worry about. But still. Paranoid much? -_-;;

I think there was something else I wanted to type here... I hate having CRS.
cerulean_sky: ([as] rough day)
My mother and I have issues. Like... issues... *sigh*

Last week my mom told me "You have to do five things a day that help the family, without being asked. If you can do that then I'll know you're mature enough to work for me. If you're unable or unwilling to do this, then I'll know that you're not mature enough and I'll get someone else."

And, ignoring the whole mature remarks ( as she just uses that to a) guilt trip me and b) insult me (and I no longer care. )) I decided that I don't want to work for her anyway, as our personalities are not compatible. At all. And we clash. A lot. So I've only been doing like... one thing for the family a day.

And now she's like, "Let's see what you did!" So I have to be like, "Uh, I don't want to work for you. Get someone else." And I know, even though she said she wouldn't be hurt by this, that she will be. And she will be mad even though she said she wouldn't be.

And now I have to find a nice way to tell her, "Fuck off." Because I don't want to make her mad and I don't want her to involve my father. And I have to be "mature" about it.

On a lighter note: Airiviel changed my layout. It's only half done at the moment, because she had to get offline last night before she could finish it. But it'll be finished today. ( And yes, I know there's a typo in the blurb thing. Please refrain from pointing this out to me. ) I'm happy about this. I've been wanting to change it for a while, but I was attached to the other one. But then she showed me what she was thinking of doing for her own, and I was like, "Please do mine? Please? Please??" So she did. :D

Also, GIP.

ETA: Wow. That resolved all nicely. She wasn't mad, and took my email explaining why I didn't want to work for her as a sign of my maturity. Imagine that. I am really surprised, and pleasantly so.

Profile

cerulean_sky: (Default)
the dark cavalier

a rose named sky

I'm a: 20-something, fantasy writer, deep thought thinker, sometime knitter, bookstore browser, amateur cook, journaler, cat owner, cheap wine connoisseur, ancient and medieval history lover, occasional philosopher, avid reader, museum wanderer.

April 2017

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