cerulean_sky: ([weiss] not with a bang (ladyjaida))
the dark cavalier ([personal profile] cerulean_sky) wrote2004-04-18 06:14 pm

Shivers of the Grave

Written for both [livejournal.com profile] 15minuteficlets and [livejournal.com profile] theotherwrite. Original.


The water was cold. He could see that without even touching it. Cold water had a sort of still quality. He watched it for a moment.

Then he slipped out of his clothes, dropping them gracelessly to the ground in a heap, and stepped to the edge of the bank.

The lake six feet below him seemed to watch him as much as he watched it. He shivered and he remembered someone, a friend perhaps, telling him, "Every time you shiver someone has just stepped on your grave."

Fitting.

He raised his arms above him and stayed that way for a minute, and then dove.

The water was deep where he had chose to dive, and the water was cold as he had predicted. The shock of hitting the cold water drove some air from his lungs as he gasped in shock. Hw watched the bubbles make their way to the surface with a detached sort of amusement.

But he kept going, deeper into the clear blue, cold water, until air was something he could only vaguely remember, and the light above his was a spot in his vision.

His lungs ached, an ache something akin to the one inside him, the one that couldn't be fixed with a couple deep breaths of air, and light danced in his vision as his consciousness started to slip from his grasp.

And still he didn't swim for the surface, didn't move at all, just let himself float in the deep blue water, until his consciousness had fled.

[identity profile] dementedsiren.livejournal.com 2004-04-18 03:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Oooh - ouch. Ouch ouch ouch. Nicely done, very creepy (in that it was so vague at some points, yet also so detailed), and the last line killed me.

Niec to see some of your writing again, hun. I've missed it :)

[identity profile] cerulean-sky.livejournal.com 2004-04-18 03:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah it was odd to write. Fun, and creepy to me, but odd.

I've missed it too! Believe me! Lol. Good to be writing again!

[identity profile] beautifullydone.livejournal.com 2004-04-18 05:26 pm (UTC)(link)
nice to know how perceptive i can be XP

[identity profile] cerulean-sky.livejournal.com 2004-04-18 06:00 pm (UTC)(link)
*huggles you* S'ok Cam-u.

I added the "Original" thing after you told me, too. Because you reminded me that I forgot to put it there. Thank you. :D

*huggles*

[identity profile] darsabre.livejournal.com 2004-04-18 09:10 pm (UTC)(link)
hooo-leee crap!!! nice!!! very nice. extremely nice. very creepily nice.
"The water was cold. He could see that without even touching it. Cold water had a sort of still quality. "
I have always thought this. this is odd.

[identity profile] cerulean-sky.livejournal.com 2004-04-19 04:44 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you. Glad you liked. :D

[identity profile] redwolfoz.livejournal.com 2004-04-19 08:42 pm (UTC)(link)
A nice, dark little piece. Very nice.

[identity profile] cerulean-sky.livejournal.com 2004-04-20 05:05 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you. Glad you liked.

[identity profile] kisho.livejournal.com 2004-04-20 03:20 am (UTC)(link)
His lungs ached, an ache something akin to the one inside him, the one that couldn't be fixed with a couple deep breaths of air, and light danced in his vision as his consciousness started to slip from his grasp.

Perfect. Just. Perfect. :D

[identity profile] cerulean-sky.livejournal.com 2004-04-20 05:37 am (UTC)(link)
Aw... glad you liked!! Thank you!

[identity profile] one900.livejournal.com 2004-04-20 11:03 pm (UTC)(link)
oy. i really liked this. i've been on a water fic binge lately. :) glad i clicked the link from [livejournal.com profile] 15minuteficlets. woo.

[identity profile] cerulean-sky.livejournal.com 2004-04-21 11:03 am (UTC)(link)
Glad you liked! I aim to please! :D